I wake up to the sound of the phone ringing. My eyes open slowly. I dont bother to get up; I already know that its my mom and what shes going to say. Sure enough, I hear the answering machine pick up and my moms paranoid voice.
Youve reached Katharine and Mary Beth. Please leave your name and
number and well get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you. Beep.
Im getting worried. Ive called three times and you havent picked up.
Call me as soon as you get this message. ~click~
Oops. She called twice. Oh well. I dont really feel like talking to her. Besides, I need to get ready for that thing shes making me go to. I sit up and look at the clock. Figures. Its 7:30am. She would think I needed four hours to get dressed. I shuffle to the bathroom across the hall, not even thinking about the one thats connected to my own room. I flip on the lights and immediately regret it. Three hours of sleep and bright lights dont mix. I close my eyes as I sit on the toilet to relieve myself, thinking of how my mom hasnt changed at all in the past 3 years. Im still doing all the dirty work and not getting any credit. At least now I have a valid source of income.
I sigh, flushing the toilet and pulling my panties back on. I turn the faucet on as cold as itll go and just stand there for a minute. I lather the orange soap on my hands and rinse. They still dont feel clean. I walk back into my room and sit on my beanbag, staring at the ceiling. I decide to turn off the lights and open the blinds to get some natural light, but when I do, its just as gray and foggy outside as my head is. I turn away and flop facedown on my bed, closing my eyes. I get up when my glasses feel like theyll cut into my skin. I walk over to the large mirror on the back of my moms bathroom door. I look down at my feet and make my way up to my face, taking in every flaw. I cringe and grab the little pouch of fat that would normally hang over my belt. The cringe returns when I look at my face and hair. A shower is due, I believe.
I open the door and turn right back around. I grab my IPod off the piano, putting it on the speaker in the bathroom. I take off my watch, two rings, and glasses, and take the step to the tub. I bypass the hot knob and turn the cold on full blast. I slip off my underwear and pull my shirt over my head, stepping into the cold water. I hug myself, but it feels good and I submerge my entire body. Pointing my face towards the sky, I imagine being in a waterfall and how wonderful thatd be right now. I turn around and get a handful of shampoo, lathering it into the left side of my hair. It finally grew down to my waist, and I cut a portion of it off a little above my elbow. The topmost part of my hair is still as short as ever. I get another handful and lather it into the right side of my head, including my bangs. I step back and let the water wash over it. I grab the comb and attack the unruly knots. I finally give up and apply the conditioner, which makes it much easier. When I feel Ive combed out all the knots, I get my moms back scrubber thing from Bath & Body Works and put lots of soap on it. It scratches some, but it makes me feel cleaner. Besides, the freezing water is soothing. When Im content with the feeling of cleanliness, I rinse the excess soap from the scrubber. I re-submerge myself and close my eyes. The biting cold is one of the few things that makes me feel aware. I sit down, letting the water pelt my back. After a few minutes, I stand up and rinse my face of the salty feeling and let the water soak my scalp. I then turn off the shower head and dry my body, wringing out my hair.
I comb my hair again when Im in front of the mirror. I look in my own eyes. They are hazel. Most people just see them as a muddy color. But they turn green when Im happy. Right now theyre the dirtiest mud Ive ever seen. I dry myself again and walk into my room. I lay down on my futon and cover up to protect my still naked body from the fan. I cant fall asleep, though. So I walk back to my bathroom and remove all traces of eyeliner/ mascara left on my face. I look so blank, so empty. About like how I feel. I pull on an over-sized shirt and some clean panties and walk to the kitchen. My hands expertly open the medicine cabinet and search for the bottle of Xanex. I just want to sleep. I absently read the directions on the back as I pour myself some water. I get one pill and swallow. Screw it. I pop another. By the time Im back in my room my waters gone. I close the blinds facing the street and take off my shirt, replacing it with a bra and my grandmas old silk nightgown. I look in the mirror and smirk, absently pulling at one of the cigarette burns.
I sit back down, waiting for the medicine to kick in. I reach over to the nail polish on my nightstand. I scrape the current polish off, replacing it not soon after. I lean my head back and close my eyes. When I open them again, the clouds have moved some, but its only been a few minutes. I still dont feel any groggier than I did before I took the medicine. I suddenly remember my IPod and transfer it to the speaker by my bed, turning it up as loud as itll go. I set it to the playlist that has all the depressing songs on it and sing along. I ride my skateboard back and forth across the room a few times, finally stopping in front of the mirror. I fluff the short part of my hair a little. Its drying a lot faster than usual. I un-tuck the hair from behind my left ear before deciding to take another pill. I walk to the kitchen and dont bother to count. I get a bigger cup of water and bring it back to my room, setting it on the side of the bed. I lay down, hands folded over my stomach. I blink, and notice how it seems to be getting darker, even though the clouds have all gone away. It seems that every time I blink, my eyes stay closed a little longer and open a little shorter. After what seems like hours, I finally see the tunnel into sleep. I reach gratefully for it in my mind. I think I just felt a car pull up, though. As I slip out of consciousness, I hear the door open.
Mary Beth! my mom calls. I dont respond. There are footsteps in the hall.
Mary Beth, wake up. She hesitates, then walks over to the futon. ...Mary Beth?